“Remote Workers Aren’t Real Workers” – Pull the Other One, It’s Got a Laptop

I was in the pub last Friday — proper one, not one of those faux-gastro places with avocado on the menu and no carpet. A few of the usuals were at the bar — me, Gaz, Big Phil, and Barry-the-Boss. You know the type: manages people for a living, hasn’t touched actual work since 2007, but owns more PowerPoint decks than socks.

Anyway, Barry’s on his second pint and starts going off about how remote workers "aren’t proper staff."

“It’s all gone soft,” he says. “You can’t run a business with people sat at home in pyjamas pretending to work.”

Now, I love a good pint and a bad opinion as much as the next man, but even I nearly choked on my scampi fries.

The Great Pyjama Panic

Apparently, if you’re not sat in traffic for an hour and eating a sad sandwich in a communal fridge that smells like feet, you’re not “really working.”

You know the kind of logic:

• If I can’t see you, you’re probably watching Bargain Hunt.

• If you’re not at your desk, you’re probably in bed.

• If you’re in bed, civilisation is collapsing.

What a load of old tripe.

Let’s be honest — half the people “in the office” are barely working anyway. They’re replying-all, talking about the weather, and hiding in the bogs scrolling TikTok.

The Truth Nobody at the Bar Wants to Admit

Here’s what I reckon: remote work isn’t the problem. The problem is managers like Barry who don’t know how to manage unless they can physically lurk behind you.

Remote work didn’t break productivity — it just revealed it. It showed which businesses were actually built on trust and results, and which ones were just clock-watching hamster wheels full of pointless check-ins and passive-aggressive Post-it notes.

“But You Can’t Build Culture on Zoom!”

Oh give over. You know what most “office culture” was?

• Awkward birthday cakes

• One bloke microwaving fish

• Someone crying in a meeting room after Sharon from HR sent a tone-deaf email

And if we’re honest, most of the actual work — the stuff that moves the needle — happened early in the morning, late at night, or on a random Wednesday when nobody booked a meeting.

Pub-Wisdom on Productivity

Look, I’m not saying everyone’s smashing KPIs from their kitchen table. Some are taking the mick. But newsflash: people took the mick in the office too — they just wore shoes while doing it.

What’s changed is the illusion of control.

You can’t hover anymore. You can’t wander past with your little clipboard. So suddenly it’s all:

“Oh no, remote work is ruining everything!”

No Barry. What’s ruined everything is your inability to judge work based on anything other than physical presence and who laughs at your jokes in the canteen.

The Round We Should All Be Buying

The whole “real staff” vs. “remote staff” argument is built on vibes, not facts. The real world doesn’t care where you sit — it cares what you deliver.

We’re in 2025, not 1995. Productivity isn’t about bums-on-seats, it’s about brains-on-the-task. If you’re still hiring based on who can handle a commute and a dodgy office chair, don’t be surprised when your best talent legs it to someone who trusts them to work like an adult.

So next time Barry gets on his high horse in the pub, do us all a favour: Order another round. Tell him to wind his neck in. And remind him: if your entire management style collapses when someone works from home, maybe you were never doing that much work in the first place.

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This myth was proudly busted with nothing but sarcasm, stats, and a pint in hand. Want your brand, business, or questionable advice featured (and possibly roasted)? Sponsor the next episode of “Don’t Trust Your Mate Down The Pub.”We’ll take the mick, name the nonsense, and make sure your logo looks lovely while we do it.

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