Business References: The Polished Turd of Due Diligence Let’s not mess around, when you ask for a reference, you’re not getting the full picture. You’re getting a highlight reel, curated and packaged like a property listing:

A business adviser used to be someone who’d been there, done that, and had the scars to prove it. They'd run companies, survived recessions, fired people, hired people, built brands, lost sleep, and occasionally gained a few pounds along the way. Nowadays, a "business adviser" might be someone who watched a YouTube video, set up a funnel, and now teaches others how to teach others to do the same. Like an MLM scheme, but with more jargon.

You know how it goes. You're three pints deep, it's quiz night at The Dog & Duck, and your mate Gary, the one who once tried to sell watches out of the boot of his Fiat Punto leans over and says: “Oi. We should start a business. 50/50, yeah?”

Starting a business is like doing a pub quiz where the questions change halfway through and the quizmaster’s set fire to the rulebook. It’s not for the faint-hearted or anyone who enjoys a steady wage and regular sleep.

Sometimes, growing your business means shrinking your ego. Sometimes, saying “no” makes you richer than saying “yes.” And sometimes, the smartest thing you can do is admit you don’t know it all and ask someone who does.

Welcome to the marvellous world of business brokers. Some are saints. Some are snakes. And some well, some should be legally banned from using the word "deal" unless it’s in reference to a lunchtime meal.

Because while some businesses do need to scale quickly, rocket ships, AI unicorns, or the people who invented edible protein made from air (true story) for the rest of us, scaling too soon is like trying to run before you’ve finished putting your trousers on.

No more squashing yourself into a train carriage like a sardine with a mortgage. No traffic jams. No small talk with Colin in middle management who always smells faintly of beef crisps. You wake up, roll out of bed, and BAM, you’re “at work.” Sort of. After a coffee. And maybe one quick TikTok scroll. But still. Less stress, more energy, and your car’s not guzzling £9 a litre just to get you to a business park in Swindon.

But here’s the reality: HMRC may not be peering through your letterbox, but their digital tentacles are everywhere. They’re less Inspector Morse, more Minority Report with spreadsheets. And they’ve got a grudge against sloppy small businesses.

Yes, gravy counts. Tea? Definitely. Even beer, technically though if you start counting your pints as part of a health routine, you might be living your best life... or developing gout.

Vikings didn’t wear horned helmets. Not in battle. Not for show. Not even at the office Christmas do.

Because here’s the truth no one’s saying loudly enough: AI is brilliant, but it’s not a substitute for a decent team.

You see, the buyers haven’t disappeared. They’ve just lost interest in nonsense. They’re no longer entertaining inflated valuations, shaky numbers, and businesses that rely on one person

Conventional wisdom screams, “Never do it!” But is that really the gospel truth, or just an old wives’ tale dressed up in HR jargon?

Well, I Googled it. Because I’m a responsible adult with a mild fear of being dragged into the netherworld while wearing my Greggs pyjamas.

A hangover is your body’s furious retaliation for letting you be an absolute numpty the night before.

Now, I’ve heard some bollocks in my time, once overheard a lad say you can’t get pregnant if you’re upside down, but this one? This one takes the Hobnob.

“Marketing? Who needs it? Get a dog, throw it on Facebook, and you’re golden, mate!” he says, as though he’s just cracked the Da Vinci Code.

We Brits are world-class when it comes to false economy. We’ll spend three hours on hold to customer service to save 47p.

You’ve probably sat in the pub, looked around at all the muppets making money online, and thought, “If Gary from school can make a living selling beard oil to dogs, surely I can flog something too?”