You Need Eight Glasses of Water a Day? What Are We, Houseplants?

Ah yes, the sacred “eight glasses of water a day” rule. The health mantra that’s been passed down from Karen in HR to everyone who’s ever dared to look a bit peaky by the printer.

She’s got her emotional-support water bottle, it’s the size of a small canoe and she’s refilling it every hour like she’s in training for a hydration-based triathlon. “Hydration is key,” she says, eyes wide, lips chapped (ironically).

But let’s take a moment, shall we? What exactly is the science behind this? Spoiler alert: there isn’t any.

The Myth That Launched a Thousand Wee Breaks

The "eight glasses a day" nonsense came from a 1945 U.S. government recommendation that said adults should consume about 2.5 litres of water daily.

But here's the plot twist no one read because it wasn’t on TikTok: they meant from all sources, including food.

Yes, gravy counts. Tea? Definitely. Even beer, technically though if you start counting your pints as part of a health routine, you might be living your best life... or developing gout.

Moist Meals, My Friend

Ever eaten a cucumber? That’s 96% water. Had a jacket potato drowned in beans and cheese? Surprise! Water. A good Sunday roast with lashings of gravy? That’s basically soup if you tilt your head and squint.

Your body’s not a camel, but it’s also not stupid. If you’re thirsty, it’ll let you know. It’s called being thirsty, not being chronically behind on your water spreadsheet.

Karen's Jug of Judgement

We love Karen really. She’s just trying to be healthy and better than you. But the truth is, you don’t need to carry a barrel of Evian around like you’re hiking the Sahara. Unless you're actually hiking the Sahara. Then by all means, guzzle away.

For the rest of us navigating office politics and leftover birthday cake, hydration is important, but manageable.

Your kidneys aren’t sitting there with clipboards waiting for your eighth glass to show up. They’re doing just fine, thanks.

The Pub Verdict

Let’s break it down, shall we?

• Hydration is important, yes.

• Obsessive, bottle-clutching, spreadsheet-tracking water culture? Less so.

• If your entire personality is now wrapped around your water intake, it might be time to drink… I dunno, something stronger.

  
  

Be like your ancestors. They didn’t have FitBits or coconut water. They survived on ale and stubbornness.

Trust your body. Drink when you’re thirsty. And for the love of all that’s holy, stop judging people for using a glass from the office kitchen.

And if you’re really worried about it ask your doctor. Not your yoga instructor. And definitely not someone trying to sell you a £40 motivational water bottle with “You’ve got this!” printed on the side.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to hydrate... at the pub.

Cheers.