Let’s Talk About Bums. And Cancer.

Look, no one wants to discuss their bum. You don't bring it up over fish and chips. You certainly don’t text your mate on a Tuesday about your poo. But here’s the deal: bowel cancer — or colon cancer if you're feeling posh — is one of the most common cancers around. It’s also one of the most treatable… if you catch it early.

But here’s the kicker: it often starts with no symptoms at all. Nada. Zip. You feel fine. You are fine. Until you’re not.

That’s why the whole “I’ll get checked when I feel dodgy” idea is, frankly, bollocks.

Why Should You Bother?

Because early detection can save your life. It’s as simple as that.

The tests are quick, painless, and way less awkward than being dead. Seriously.

Most people in the UK receive a free test kit from the NHS as soon as they reach a certain age (60 in England, younger in Scotland and Wales). It’s called the FIT test. And no, it doesn’t involve someone sticking a camera up your rear while humming the EastEnders theme.

You literally poo in a little tube (don’t worry, it’s all very hygienic), post it back, and wait for the results. That’s it. Done. Job’s a good’un.

But I’m Not Old Yet... So I’m Fine, Right?

Not necessarily. Rates of bowel cancer in people under 50 are rising. And no, it’s not just a “junk food” problem or something you can run off at the gym.

Recognizing Symptoms Early

If you’ve got:

• A family history of bowel cancer

• Ongoing gut issues (like unexplained bleeding or changes in your poo)

• Or you’re just not feeling right down there

  
  

...you should talk to your GP. Don’t Google it. Don’t ignore it. Don’t wait until your arse is falling out.

Real Talk: What’s It Like to Get Checked for Colon Cancer?

It’s not like that scene from Aliens.

Getting checked is not painful. It’s not humiliating. Doctors don’t care if your bum’s hairy or if your boxers have holes. They’ve seen it all — and worse. What they do care about is finding anything early so they can treat it before it becomes a problem.

And let’s be honest: if you can handle a dodgy kebab at 2 am, you can handle a five-minute test that could keep you above ground.

The Importance of Regular Screening

Regular screenings can make all the difference. Many people think that if they feel fine, there’s no need for a test. This thinking is misguided. You could have cancer without showing any symptoms at all.

So why wait? Doing the test is a quick, smart move. Early detection through regular screenings significantly improves treatment outcomes.

Final Thoughts From Your Mate Down The Pub

If your car started making weird noises, you wouldn’t just crank up the radio and hope for the best. You’d get it checked. Your body deserves the same attention.

Don’t let embarrassment get you killed.

Get checked. Stay alive. Be the mate buying the pints — not the one we raise a glass to.

Your Life Matters

Getting screened for colon cancer is a conversation worth having. Your health should always be a priority. Remember, even if you feel fine, getting the check could be a matter of life and death.

Contact your local health service today to find out more about how you can get screened. Don’t wait for a sign. Take control of your health now.