"Oi Dave, Your Prostate’s Not Gonna Check Itself, Mate!"

A public service announcement from your mate down the pub.

The Mysterious Case of the Wandering Wee

So there I am, mid-pint, telling Gaz about the time I beat the fruit machine three times in a row (still my proudest moment), and he suddenly bolts to the loo again. That’s his fourth slash in twenty minutes. I shout, “You alright mate, or are you smuggling pints into the urinal?”

He laughs it off, but we all know what’s going on: The Prostate Saga. (Insert dramatic music here: DUN DUN DUNNNN!)

What Even Is a Prostate, Anyway?

Look, none of us paid attention in biology. The prostate’s this walnut-sized thing that lives just under your bladder. Its main job? Helping you produce the stuff that keeps the human race going. Handy, right?

But as we get older (somewhere around the "Ooh my back" stage of life), this little gland can decide to bulk up like it’s training for a Strongman competition. And when it does, things get awkward.

Signs You Might Be Joining Club Prostate Problems

Here’s the checklist:

• Pee like a rusty tap? ✅

• Takes longer than the queue at Greggs? ✅

• Up four times a night for a leak? ✅

• Finish peeing, zip up, and suddenly… surprise encore? ✅

If you said yes to any of these, congratulations—you may be experiencing the magical world of Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH). Sounds fancy, just means your prostate’s showing off.

Myths We’ve All Heard in the Pub

Let’s bust some myths, shall we?

MYTH 1: “If you need a prostate check, they shove a camera up your nose.”

TRUTH: Nope. That’s probably just Baz confusing it with something he saw on Casualty.

MYTH 2: “Only old blokes get it.”

TRUTH: It starts creeping up on you from your 40s, like thinning hair and that strange desire to own a shed.

MYTH 3: “You’ll know when there’s a problem.”

TRUTH: Not always. Sometimes it’s sneakier than your missus checking your Google search history.

When Should You Get It Checked?

Short answer: If you’re 50 or over, or 45 if you’ve got a family history, or you’re noticing any weird plumbing issues—get yourself down the doc’s.

Don’t wait until your stream's more like a drip and your mates are using your bathroom visits as a drinking game timer.

And here’s the kicker: Getting checked doesn’t mean losing your dignity. It's not 1963. Your GP's seen more bums than a beach in Benidorm. A simple blood test (PSA test), a chat, maybe a quick poke where the sun don’t shine—done in 30 seconds. Less invasive than a Ryanair flight.

The Real Talk

Look, we joke because we care. You wouldn’t ignore a leaky pint glass or a dodgy gearbox, would you? Your prostate’s the same. Small part, big consequences. It’s not about being tough—it’s about being smart.

And if it turns out everything’s fine, great. If something’s up, better to catch it early before it starts acting like a toddler in a supermarket: loud, unpredictable, and hard to control.

Final Word from Your Mate Down the Pub

If your pee’s gone rogue, you’re up all night like you’re in your twenties (but for much sadder reasons), or your fella-down-below just isn’t playing ball—go see someone.

Then get back to the pub, pint in hand, smug in the knowledge you’ve had your MOT and lived to tell the tale.

Go on. Get yourself checked out! Your prostate will thank you (silently, and from deep within).