So, You Want to Start a Business? Good Luck, You Maniac

“Are You Mad?” – A Message to the Brave (and Slightly Bonkers)

There you are, pint in hand, telling your mates you're starting a business. Dave snorts beer through his nose. Sandra from Accounts looks at you like you just asked for a pay rise in a recession. Big Phil? He just stares blankly. Phil’s been there. He once opened a sausage van. Now he sells printer ink out of his car boot.

Here’s your no-nonsense guide to the madness you’re stepping into. You’ve been warned.

“Be Your Own Boss,” They Said…

It starts with a bad week at work and one too many motivational memes. You see someone on Instagram saying they made £300k selling socks with cats on. Suddenly, you think, “Why not me?”

Well, let’s clear up a few things:

• You won’t be your own boss. You’ll have dozens. Customers. The taxman. Karen, who thinks your checkout button is “too orange.” And every supplier who ghosts you when it's time to deliver.

  
  

• You won’t have more free time. You’ll be up at 3am Googling why your website’s crashed, emailing support, and wondering if it’s too late to just go back to your old job.

  
  

• You won’t be rich (yet). You’ll be skint, caffeinated, and eating cereal for dinner. Again. You’ll measure success in things like getting one order that isn’t your mum.

  
  

Things That’ll Sink You Fast

1. Thinking You’re a Genius: If your idea’s so unique no one else is doing it… there might be a reason. Ask around. Maybe it’s not a gap in the market, it’s a warning sign.

2. No Plan, Just Vibes: Hope is not a strategy. You need more than passion you need numbers, pricing, margins, and a backup plan when your backup plan fails.

3. Cash Flow Confusion: Sales don’t mean cash. That invoice might not get paid for 90 days. Your landlord won’t accept “we’re expecting money soon” as rent.

4. Doing Everything Alone: You’re not a superhero. You’ll try to wear all the hats, marketing, sales, customer service, IT and end up just wearing yourself out. Collaboration isn’t weakness. It’s survival.

What Will You Give Up?

Be honest:

• Sleep: Say goodbye to that. 4am thoughts are your new reality. Your brain will choose the worst possible time to remind you about that invoice you forgot.

  
  

• Weekends: Forget them. You’ll be working or worrying, usually both.

  
  

• Your Social Life: “Maybe next time” becomes your catchphrase. You’ll cancel plans because a client ‘might’ call.

  
  

• Comfort: You'll get used to uncertainty, instant noodles, and the smell of your own stress sweat.

  
  

This isn’t a little side gig. It’s a warzone and you’re the one charging in with a paper sword.

You’ll Meet Muppets Before Mentors

The world is full of self-proclaimed experts. Usually in their 20's or 30's, with a YouTube channel, no track record, and more buzzwords than common sense.

Find people who’ve had real wins and real failures. The kind who don’t brag, they just tell the truth.

Mentors don’t need to sell you a course. They’ve got scars, not sales funnels.

Failure Is Part of the Deal, When You Start a Business

The first time a deal falls through, you’ll panic. The tenth time? You’ll roll your eyes and get on with it.

Failure isn’t a detour, it’s the route. You’ll mess up. You’ll lose money. You’ll trust the wrong person. And then you’ll learn, adapt, and be twice as sharp the next time.

The trick isn’t avoiding failure. It’s refusing to stay down when it hits.

Meet Your New Housemates: Panic, Guilt & Coffee

Panic wakes you up. Guilt reminds you of everything you’ve missed birthdays, sleep, bin collection day. Coffee becomes your daily fuel. And possibly a tax-deductible expense.

You’ll drink more caffeine than water. You’ll form an emotional attachment to your barista. You’ll name your kettle. You’ll consider investing in an espresso machine worth more than your laptop.

Working from Home = Working in Chaos

Forget laptops on the beach. You’re sat in your kitchen in a dressing gown, trying to fix your website while the cat throws up behind you. Your hair is now more dry shampoo than hair.

Your neighbours think you’re unemployed. You’re starting to agree with them. You haven’t seen another adult human in three days unless Deliveroo counts.

Oh, and you’ll definitely start talking to yourself. A lot.

Love Life? What Love Life?

Act 1: Your partner is proud. Go you!

Act 2: You miss dinner. And their birthday. And bin day. Again.

Act 3: “We need to talk.”

Running a business puts pressure on every relationship. You’ll be distracted, exhausted, and moody. Not exactly date-night material.

Friendships get ignored. Your mum texts, “Are you alive?” Your dog starts following your partner around instead.

Make time where you can. Or accept you’ll have explaining to do later.

Everyone’s Got Advice

“Do NFTs!” “Get into crypto!” “My mate Gary builds apps, he’s only 14 but proper clever.”

The louder someone shouts advice, the less useful it usually is. Especially if their own business is “coaching other businesses.”

If someone’s advice starts with “You should just…” smile politely, nod, and back away slowly. Then go ask someone who’s actually done it.

Your First Customer Will Break You (and Build You)

That first sale? Magic. You’ll screenshot it, cry a bit, and tell your mum. You’ll float around the house like a legend.

Then reality hits. They want to change the product. And the packaging. And the price. And they want it delivered yesterday.

Early customers are often the most demanding and the least profitable. But they teach you fast. You’ll learn to set boundaries, value your time, and spot red flags in an enquiry form.

Hustle Culture is Rubbish

Instagram says, “Sleep is for losers.” That’s nonsense.

Yes, you’ll work hard. You’ll do long hours. But sleep deprived zombies don’t make good decisions. Or good products. Or good anything.

Burnout doesn’t make you look tough. It makes you look finished.

Take breaks. You’re not a machine. You’re a human with a dream and no dream is worth wrecking yourself over.

You’ll Be Broke. Don’t Panic.

You’ll open your bank app and feel sick. Again. You’ll chase payments like a bloodhound. You’ll wonder how it’s possible to be so busy and still so broke.

Cash flow is everything. Not sales. Not likes. Not “potential.” Cash.

You’ll learn to stretch every pound. You’ll find out who pays on time. You’ll cling to spreadsheets like they’re life jackets.

And slowly, but surely, it gets easier.

One Day, It’ll All Click

Then, one day, it works.

You’ll make a sale without begging. A stranger will say, “I love what you do.” Someone will recommend you without being asked. You’ll sleep through the night for the first time in months.

It’ll still be hard. But it won’t feel impossible.

And you’ll look back and realise: you built something. You earned it. Every inch of it.

One Last Bit of Advice

Starting a business is like trying to juggle knives while riding a unicycle through a thunderstorm.

So don’t do it alone. Talk to people who’ve done it. People with scars and stories. The ones who won’t sugar-coat it but will tell you when you’re being daft.

Find mentors. Not influencers. The difference is experience and humility.

Still fancy it? Good. You’ve probably got what it takes.

Good Luck (You’re Going to Need It)

No matter how prepared you are, something will go wrong. That’s part of it. Just keep going. Stick with it, laugh when you can, cry if you must, and always keep moving.

Success doesn’t come from being perfect it comes from being persistent. Even when your printer's jammed, your website’s crashed, and your dog’s eaten your receipt folder.

You've got this.

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